There Are No Such Thing as Shark Attacks

Posted by sepoy on August 02, 2007 · 1 min read

And that explains, conclusively, Al-Qaeda in Iraq.

Gilbert Arenas, of the Washington Wizards:

There Are No Such Thing as Shark Attacks
I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.
There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.

I know you're making a weird face as you're reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We're humans. We live on land.

Sharks live in water.

So if you're swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that's called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

A shark attack is if you're chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that's a shark attack. Now, if you're chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it's like, “There have been 10 shark attacks,” I'm like, “Hey, for real?! They're just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don't live underwater.”

Many thanks to Moacir for the link and the connection.


Ikram | August 01, 2007

For about 20 minitues, there was this really awesome post responding to Obama's Pakistan speech on ths blog. I was in the process of cutting and pasting and -- it's vanished. It was really good. You should undelete it.

kinkminos | August 02, 2007

that's a very FAR SIDE type commentary. here's something that approximates the thought expressed above.